为什么心一直在痛？我真的没去想什么。每一次都突然的。我也不知道我在想什么。不知道心里在烦什么。就一时又一时很突然的又痛起来。我已不认识自己。我要哭到什么时候？要逃避到什么时候？要怎么的去面对事情？若要面对，又要面对什么？

一下那么开心，不久又开始痛。痛了就逃避周围的人。不想他们看见我那么脆弱。一个人就只好找个地方，越想越多，越想越伤心。若不要一个人，又不知道要找谁说心里话。我也好象说不出那样，根本没办法去决绝嘛！

我快被这些我根本都不知道的事烦死了。不知道该怎么办。我好想念以前的我，好想念以前所拥有的回忆，男朋友，好朋友，朋友，家人。


I'm feeling so bad about how I suddenly had to ditched my friends when I realised that my emotionals are not steady . I don't know what I'm thinking these days . I don't know how to explain how I feel . I wish I knew what my problems are so that I could either find someone to talk to or find a way myself to solve them . I just couldn't understand myself . Things are pretty much falling apart and I'm already on my knees . When will I stop running away from my friends just so I wouldn't start crying again ? When will I stop yelling in my head ? When will I stop hitting my chest , complaining to myself that this is too painful to handle ? When will I stop waiting for something I don't even know what ? Who can I talk to ? Nobody seem to understand . I don't understand myself either .
I'm so moody , so tensed these days .
Breathing seems so hard already .


Dota = LifeSaver .
Why ? Because once I dota , nothing goes in my head except for the game . So it'll proably get my head out of everything . 2bucks a game , worth it better than suffering :) I wish I die of dotaing for 3 days like that guy on the newspaper . HAHA :) Can't believe I hated it before , my god , it's very very addictive . Must dota man . No dota hand itchy D:

Hi , remember about the same old schedule I've told earlier ? lol . Today's much different tho . Since all my school usual hang out friends ditched me , lazy come , can't make it etc etc , I was thinking that I would be alone in AC for the day . But , out of no where KeeWei texted me and I asked him whether he could make it or not and he managed . Neena called that night too and managed to make it too .

I was early in AC today . Neena came after like 30mins ? We played some whatever you call it in AsiaClub and went back down when KeeWei came . He fetched us to Summit and went up to the rooftop to hang out . Wanted to help Neena to shop for a present but the shops were all closed in the morning so we ended up in Giant , in Summit to get drinks and chocolates .

Sent Neena back to school and me and KeeWei just kept on driving around SS15 talking , talking and parked somewhere . Stop there for around 45mins talking , listening to music , complimenting and so and so . Around 12 , went to AC to get lunch and went to FTZ wanted to play games but didn't . I was so craving for dota actually :X Neena joined us after a while and we went for pool . Played 5 games and I started emo-ing half way . KeeWei had to sent me back to school around 3pm .
(I swear that fella just came back from a club at 6 and slept for 30mins and had to rush to AC to teman me . Awwww hahaha) & My god , have you seen him play guitar ? piano ? violin ? beatbox ? and so and so . and sing! My god . He can't stop moving his mouth . lol . BEATBOXING IS SO COOL :O

So I was emo-ing emo-ing and then saw JoonHoe and ChenJi in school so joined them to talk in the canteen until after school . Went back home straight after that .



(actually I was thinking of another Chinese post . Feel so Chinese-ish these days HAHA)




Fino , AnRose and HuiJia came and pick me and ZiYean up at 9pm to AC agaaaaain for supper . Had some food . Talk talk talk and went home by 11pm .
I'm pretty exhausted .


明天将是今年上课最后一天。过了明天，不知道能到几时才能见到你。我又是否能忍受心里的痛。今天没看见你，我已经伤心透底啦。

seeing you nearby would be really okay . But I know I would walk faster or move away or do something just so you're out of my sight when I see you face to face . It's a prevention of me trying to run to you to hug you or something :X

刚刚在学校，朋友睡早了的时候，我自己一个人幽默了一阵。不知道一下从书包里那出他给的鸭子玩具，一下头里充满了回忆。不是我想想，只是这一堆美丽的回忆一直在我脑里徘徊。越想越多，我就自然没性情。不是我不能接收，而是我根本不能让自己知道我没试过就放弃。也不是我想烦他，只是想念他而已。不是我跟踪他，我们只是刚好碰面而已。他应该误解我在做的事吧。我也没想现在去追他。只是想把胆量放大。不想自己每一分钟都在担心。我只想做朋友，等到SPM过了才打算。应该是我们人类的性格吧。那一种一直在怀念，一直在认为事情的性格。但也不能全怪我啊。我也给他弄得我不认识自己。一时又关心我，一时又不采我。

我承认我是真的非常非常的想念他。承认我还爱着他。每一次在通电话，他都想知道但我就是说不出。
好想念两个月的今天，我听到他不开心就不关发生什么事就跑到他家去，因为但心他就那样的傻。到了他家，他还带我到他游泳池旁，谈天谈天，一时我没注意到他，转回头就只看件他跪在我面前告白。

我不是贪他什么。只是被他的单纯，他那小孩子，又可爱，又能逗我开心的性格迷注了。而他也在我眼前变的我世上间到最可爱的那一个。

好想念我们。无论他怎么告诉我，"我们以没机会了"，但我一样的还是在抱着希望。
说我傻，我也那么觉得啊。








Now you can (or maybe not) know why I'm so skinny . Look at my brothers . My god . I think they took all my food . Freaking giants :O And they're still growing and I'm not . How sad ! Tho , you have to ignore the part where we're all wearing our pyjamas , HAHA . Kor got me my favourite biscuits and since he's back for 3 months . Hohoho , I'll be making him to fetch me out often ;)